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"Sick of It" - An Off Script Cold Read

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In every episode of ‘Off Script’, Ben and Lloyd are faced with a tough, but real, acting challenge… To take a script, with absolutely ZERO preparation, and perform it to the best of their abilities. No peeking, no hints, no ideas - just straight into the scene, and being left to (hopefully) swim rather than sink thanks to their considerable talents!


In the sixth and final episode of the series, the boys faced a scene that challenged them in more ways than one. Perhaps our most naturalistic script yet, Jonathan Dean provided us with a slice of life which allowed the boys to put themselves into the minds of a married couple! Well, married for now at least. Presented here for your reading pleasure, is the script of "Sick of It”… exactly as the Off Scripters were handed it…


1. INT. MASTER BEDROOM. EARLY EVENING.

FX: The sounds of KYLE getting ready for an evening out, when her husband, DECLAN shouts from below.

DECLAN:
Kyle!

FX: KYLE sighs to herself. What does he want now? She shouts back.

KYLE:
What?

DECLAN:
Where’s the bleach?

KYLE:
What?!

DECLAN slows down, punctuates each word, as if KYLE’S hard of hearing.

DECLAN:
Where’s. The. Bleach?!

KYLE:
Why do you need the bleach?

DECLAN:
Bennie’s been sick on the carpet again!

KYLE:
(To self) God, give me strength… (Shouting) Then don’t you think you should be using the carpet cleaner?

There’s a pause.

DECLAN:
…Where’s that?

KATHY:
(To self) Holy- (Shouting) In the cupboard under the sink! Where we’ve always kept it!

Another, longer pause.

DECLAN:
I can’t find it!

KATHY:
Right, just… Just hold on!

FX: KYLE sighs, exasperated, hastily finishes getting ready and heads quickly downstairs.


2. INT. LIVING ROOM. EARLY EVENING.

FX: KYLE steps into the living room and is greeted by the sounds of DECLAN scrubbing something into the carpet. BENNIE, their dog, is panting in the background.

DECLAN:
I think he ate something dodgy. Seems fine, now though.

KYLE:
Right, well, good… (A slight pause) Urgh, Declan, it stinks in here! Hang on- Are you… Are you using bleach?! 

DECLAN:
I couldn’t find the carpet cleaner.

KYLE:
IT’S! IN! THE! CUPBOARD!

DECLAN:
IT! WASN’T! THERE!

KYLE:
I told you to hold on! For goodness sake!

FX: KYLE stomps out of the room as DECLAN continues to scrub away. BENNIE barks as she returns a moment later.

KYLE:
Here you are! Carpet cleaner. In the cupboard. Under the sink. Next to the bleach!

An awkward pause.

DECLAN:
(Mumbling) Well it wasn’t there when I looked…

FX: KYLE makes a noise of profound annoyance, is barely containing herself.

KYLE:
Well it didn’t just magically appear, did it?! And you shouldn’t be using bleach on a carpet, anyway! You’ll have ruined it now!

FX: The scrubbing sounds stop.

DECLAN:
Oh, right, ‘cause everything’s my fault, isn’t it? Next time, I’ll just leave Bennie’s chunder splattered all over the floor, shall I?

KYLE:
(To self) Jesus wept!

Another beat.

KYLE:
It stinks in here…

KYLE strides over to the window, thrusts it open. BENNIE barks again, carries on panting.

KYLE:
Right, well, the taxi will be here soon. You better get dressed, quickly.

DECLAN:
Err, I am dressed…

A beat, as KYLE realises he isn’t joking.

KYLE:
Oh no! You are not wearing that for tonight!

DECLAN:
What’s wrong with this?

KYLE:
We’re going for a nice meal out, for your mum’s birthday, and you think a t-shirt and cargo pants is the right choice, do you?

DECLAN:
What’s the issue? I always wear this!

KYLE:
Yeah, when you’re going to the pub or the Maccies drive thru, not a fancy Italian restaurant!

Another pause as DECLAN doesn’t move.

KYLE:
GO!

FX: DECLAN groans then slumps off. KYLE waits for him to leave before speaking.

KYLE:
I swear, Bennie, I married an utter man child!

FX: Bennie barks.


3. INT. HALLWAY. EARLY EVENING.

FX: There’s the blare of a car horn outside.

KYLE:
Declan! Let’s go!

FX: The sound of DECLAN thundering his way down the stairs.

DECLAN:
Yes, alright! Jeez!

FX: The sound of DECLAN pulling on his shoes and coat.

DECLAN:
You reckon Bennie’s gonna be okay? Locked in the backroom, I mean?

KYLE:
We wouldn’t have had to lock him in the backroom if someone hadn’t put bleach down on the carpet.

DECLAN:
I swear, it wasn’t there when I looked!

FX: The car horn blares again.

KYLE:
Right, whatever! Yes, he’ll be fine. He’s fine. 

FX: Bennie barks from the backroom.

KYLE:
See- fine! Let’s go!


4. EXT. STREET. EARLY EVENING.

FX: KYLE and DECLAN make their way down the short garden path at the front of their house towards the taxi, the sound of its engine running in the background.

DELCAN:
Oh, what have we got mum, by the way?

KYLE:
(Under her breath to herself) You mean what did I get her…

DECLAN:
What’s that?

KYLE:
Nothing. (A sigh) We got her that book she wanted.

DECLAN:
What book?

KYLE:
Jesus Christ…


5. INT. TAXI. EARLY EVENING.

FX: The sound of the car door opening and then closing again as KYLE and DECLAN clamber inside.

KYLE:
Your sister’s gonna be there, tonight, right? I want to talk to her.

DECLAN:
Which one?

KYLE:
The one who’s a divorce lawyer.

DECLAN:
(Clueless) Yeah…

KYLE:
Good.

FX: The taxi drives off.


How well do you think Ben and Lloyd did? Is there anything you would change about their interpretation? Or do you think it was pitch perfect? Please do let us know!

If you haven’t already, you can listen to final episode of Off Script here;



Thank you very much for joining us on this journey through the first series of Off Script. We hope that Ben and Lloyd have been able to provide advice, solace, and hopefully, a couple of laughs for the last few months to all you actors out there. 

The industry is hard, and we hope that if we've provided at least a slight tonic to the struggles that it brings, that we've achieved the goal we set out to do. 

As for the future of the series? Well, you'll just have to wait and see. Plans are afoot. For now, we'd like to thank Ben and Lloyd for all their hard work the last few months, and for all of you at home for listening. 

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