New Year. New Me?

I'm going to change next year.

Really?

Uh huh.

How?

I haven't really thought about it. I just know... I probably need to change a few things.

Well, you better get thinking. You'll be sat with your family making resolutions before you know it.

Do people still do that?

Yeah?

Oh.

You literally do it every year.

I do?

Yeah, and then you break every single resolution you make in roughly 24 minutes flat. 

24 minutes?!

Give or take.

Well. This year will be different.

Are you sure?

I told you. I'm going to change.

Alright...

Yeah!

...

Go on then.

Okay, easy one to start.

This should be fun.

I'm going to stop drinking.

No way. Impossible.

Why?

How on Earth will you be interesting at parties? You can't come up with anything interesting to say without a couple of Jaeger's in your system.

That's true... I'll go to the gym. Work on my guns. Get my body in shape.

But your tubbiness is one of your defining traits! They say dad bods are in this season.

Yeah, if I got thin, nobody would know who I was. And that just wouldn't be any fun at all.

Exactly.

I'll get up earlier. I'm always sleeping in. "Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and..." Uh. What's the last bit... I honestly can't rememb-

-Boring? 

Boring! I don't want to be boring. I'll see more of my friends! Make real plans, do real things. You know, like real people do.

Do you like any of your friends?

No. Real plans and real things with real people. It's pretty overrated anyway.

So I'm told.

I'll sort out all my stuff! Get some stuff on Vinted or Depop or something. Make a bit of cash.

What, and don't wait for it to increase in value over the next few years? That's just bad business mate.

I'll stop eating chocolate.

Woah. Woah. WOAH. And waste all that chocolate you got for Christmas?

I'll take a social media detox.

And miss everything that's going on in the world?

I'll learn to ride a bike.

You're wanna go outside?

ALRIGHT.

...

I'll just try and make people laugh a bit more.

Laugh?

Yeah, you know, like, jokes and stuff.

You know...

Yes?

That's not a bad idea.

I thought so too.

Happy New Year from Everyone at Minor Spillage Productions. Whatever happens in 2026, whatever you do... we endeavour to make you laugh.

Ryan Croughan is one of the unfortunate souls who keeps the Minor Spillage ship sailing. Sailing? Probably better to say paddling. As well as producing, he finds time to present and provide voiceovers. He also says he doesn't like the sound of his own voice. Bit odd really.